Insanity
by Kierax
Summary: Hetaoni Oneshot Sonfic  Sanity is such a fickle thing...It's hard to gain...and easy to loose...So just how insane has Italy gone? what is he willing to do to protect those he holds dear?


_**Hey everyone! I'm just here with a short update. I got semi-inspired last night to do a Oneshot in Italy's point of view. This is a semi-songfic to the song InSaNiTy by Kaito and SF-A2 Mikki, thought I used Koko's version. Basically the gist is anything in italics relates to the song itself. Most of it is the loose english translation for the song. **_

_**As for Rewind the Hands of Time, I'm slowly working on that...hopefully this will get me a little more motivated! **_

**_Hope you enjoy this...and yes, it's done in present tense...or an attempt at it._ **

* * *

><p><strong>INSANITY<strong>

**A HetaOni One-shot**

Who knows how many loops...how many times I've done this, over and over again. I can...see the red that stains my hands now. It doesn't go away, no matter how many times I try to wash it in the sink in the bathroom.

_This meaningless running from start to finish._

Will it ever stop? Will I manage to get it done right this time? Even if I myself don't make it...? Will...they even notice? I can...Its becoming harder and harder...to even focus on things.

_I can feel my soul...disappearing..._

Will anyone even remember me? The numerous loops that we've been through are starting to not only take their toll on me...but them as well. Nihon...He sees so much of the past loops...but something isn't right...

_Who remembers worthless characters?_

I feel like I've shattered...something in me has shattered...and I don't know what it is. I see them...time and time again...falling against that monster's claws...

_Watching from the windows of madness..._

Do...I have what it takes? Can I really say..._Goodbye_?

Now...I stand here...In this...pitch darkness...but I'm not alone. I see a premonition of my earlier self...

_"Hello, Myself."_ I say, and he seems to look shocked at the way I look. I don't blame him. I probably look horrible, drenched in the blood I'm in...

"Who are you?" he asks fearfully, and I smile. He shrinks back.

_"...Haven't we met before?"_ I ask, tilting my head to the side. He shakes his head furiously.

"I don't...I don't know who you are! Wh-Where's Doitsu?" I feel my face taking on a sad tone, then an angry one. I force myself to stay calm. This me...this me doesn't know the horrors that await him...so I turn away from him. I'm no longer that person...

_"Goodbye...yourself."_ I mutter and walk deeper into the darkness. It's my only solitude now...but even it isn't empty. However, I feel a grip on my arm.

"Wait..."

I turn, and find the other me, looking at me with worry. I find myself grinning.

_"So...want to talk?"_ I ask, and he nods.

"I want to know...you called me...'myself'...does that mean...you're me?" he asks, and takes his hand away from my arm. "What...what's turned me into you?"

_"Insanity." _ I answer simply. And he blinks a few times.

"But...I don't understand."

"Insanity is great." I reply, grinning at him enough to make him shrink back. "You...have _the feeling of floating on air_ with nothing to hold you down...everything is free!" I spin around a few times, and it's then I realize that the blood coating my hands is fresh, as it splatters on his face. I blink a few times. "But...then again..._Psychopathy_...isn't fun..."

I watch the horror on his face as he tries to wipe the blood away.

"But...what made you...I mean me, like this?"

_"Ah...such a carefree life..._I used to have..." I turn away from him, looking into the darkness. "_Insanity is illusions that do not end_, they..." I feel a pain in my head, and I reach up, pressing my hands against it. "They never end...always going and going...over and over...I have to see it again and again...It's..."

_"Captivity"_ the other me answers for me, and I look at him, seeing his face full of sympathy. "_You can't run away..."_

"No...I can't. It's always there...over and over...It's...like..._it's continuing to corrupt me._" I say softly...then pull the journal out of my pocket.

"What's that?" he asks but I ignore him, looking at it's hard cover. It had been with me the entire time...ever since the first...I look up towards what would have been the heavens if we were not surrounded by darkness.

_"The necessary conclusion is disappearing..." _I mutter, sinking to my knees. The other me does the same, in front of me, that look of worry still on his face. I wonder why he's so worried. Perhaps he is scared of what he will become. I grin at him. "_Outline fading away to black."_

"That's okay...Doitsu says there's always hope in dark times!" the other me says happily. I scoff at this. I remember Germany saying something like that once, but now I realize...

_"In the darkness...there's no such thing as light."_ I say scornfully, and he shrinks away from me. I push myself to my feet.

"Wh-What..." he mutters, confused.

_"From the depths of madness..."_ I say with another grin, _"goodbye."_

I couldn't deal with him anymore. He's so...innocent. I couldn't take it! How could he...he didn't know! He didn't know! I walked...I walked away...but I could hear him. He was following me.

_"Hey, haven't we met somewhere in the past?_" the other me asks, but I ignore it. _"Hey, you're someone special to me! I want to talk to you!"_ He tries to get my attention again, and I turn to face him, snarling angrily.

_"What time is it? What's today? I don't know._" I exclaimed. "I don't know what's up or down anymore. I'm not you anymore! I'm not the boy who fled to Germany every time something bad happened! I'm not him, I'm not you, and I never will be!"

He blinks at me a few times, obviously surprised by my outburst, before his face melts into one of deep sorrow.

"You're so hurt...why didn't you go to Doitsu?" He asks.

"Because...I...couldn't...I..." I paused...unsure. "I tried...at first...I thought it would be fun! I was so much like you then...all I wanted was to have fun with everyone...but...as soon as we entered...it all went wrong. The second time...I tried to warn them, I did...but...no one listened to me...not even Germany..." I watch him, waiting...but he does the same to me, and then he opens his mouth...

_"It would be great if we completely forgot..."_ He says, and I blink at him. "But like you said..._Insanity is like floating on air._ And your right..._I live such a care free life._ _But what is darkness and what is light?"_ he asks me.

"I...don't know..." I answer.

_"Sanity...you can't see the dark yet."_ he says softly, taking my bloody hands in his own. _"Purity, the days get longer."_ Once again, I blink at him, before frowning...

_"Sanity...that also must sink..."_ I mutter, and I frown at him for a moment or two more, before a grin breaks out on my face.

"What?" he asks, his grip loosening on my hands, and his eyes take on a fearful look

_"Sanity?"_ I ask, tilting my head to the side. _"Heh...what the hell is that?"_

The other me let out a sound and backed away, and...a thought enters my head. It's just one thought, but a big one. And I like it. I like it a lot. I reach forward, but he's out of my reach...so I lunge, tackling him to the ground and pinning him under me.

"You're me...you're the me who sends us there...the one with the idea...I can't...I can't let that happen, you see." I mutter, and watch his eyes widen. "I mean...if it was something else...it wouldn't matter...but...I can't let it happen. I can't have them die over and over just because of a mistake I made...a mistake YOU will make..." I lean down, feeling myself grinning widely. "So the idea just popped into my head...to get rid of the problem." I loosen my grip from his wrists, and move my hands to his throat, slowly wrapping them around. He lets out a gasp, and quickly moves his own hands to my arms, pulling against them. I let out a laugh, and it sounds dry, and cold. "That won't work! I've gotten stronger...see?" I tighten my grip and he lets out another gasp. I watch as his eyes become wide, and he struggles harder. "You see...I can't let you tell them about that place, and this is the only way. You understand, right? Of course you do, you're me. You'd do anything to protect them. That's what I'm doing. I'm protecting them. If they never go in in the first place, then this won't happen. I won't be reduced to this! It'll be better this way!"

"P...please...stop! I..." he stutters from under me. "I...I can-an't brea-breath!" I blink at this, and look down at him. His face has turned red from the lack of oxygen. I give him a smile.

"Now, My dear Other Me. That's the point." I say, as sweetly as I could, before tightening my grip even more. This time he doesn't have room to gasp, and I watch as his eyes widen even more. I can feel his pulse underneath my hands, beating faster and faster as he fought for oxygen. I watch, grinning at the glaze that those innocent cherry wooded hued eyes have now.

He whispers something, using up precious oxygen as his struggles to free himself get weaker and weaker. I lean down, the grin fading from my face.

"What was that, Other me?" I ask softly, wanting to know what he had whispered. I noticed he was almost gone, I could barely feel the pulse under my hands. Only a few seconds more...

"...d...do...doi...t...su..."

I feel myself freeze up, and immediately let go, causing him to let out a loud gasp as oxygen rushes back into his body. Even now...he was still calling for that German...I didn't understand it...

"H-How...?" I ask, as he pushes himself up on his elbows to stare at me in fear. "How can you still call for him?"

"B-Because...I know...I know he'll always save me..."

I feel something throb in my chest at that...because...I knew it was true...No matter what...Germany had always pushed me out of the way. He had even lost his life a few times doing that...It was always towards the end.

The other me inches forward, towards me and reaches a hand to my face. I draw back as if expecting an attack, but all he does is whip tears away from my eyes that I had not known were there.

"...and you know it too...don't' you?" he asks, looking at me sadly. "Doitsu always comes to our rescue...even if we don't know it's him. It must be the same in the future too." I don't answer, I can't...I can't find the words to say to him. Carefully, he lifts his hand again, and starts stroking my hair as if to calm me...and it works. I feel the anxiety that had built up in me start to fade. "If we hadn't met, Future Me, then you would have forgotten that. Even in the darkest times...Faith lights the way. If you have faith in Doitsu, in our friends...they'll come through..." I close my eyes...relishing in this small piece of comfort that I'd found.

_"Don't be a captive...unable to escape."_

My eyes snap open, and I realize I'm alone...on third floor, in the library. I blink down at myself, and find my clothes are clean...to an extent. My hands...they're still stained red, and I know...no matter what I do, I will not be able to wash it off for some time. I slowly pull myself to my feet and dust my uniform off. I need to get to the first group again...I have to get them out this time...and this time...

This time we'll make it.

Because...I have faith. Even if I don't make it out myself...I know...I know that they'll come through. Even as I feel the insanity creeping up on me again...I can't let it take a hold of me again. I need to find Doitsu...he'll keep it away...

_He always finds a way to bring the sanity back._


End file.
